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Apr 16, 2008
Apr 9, 2008
Apr 8, 2008
Apr 2, 2008
Mar 30, 2008
Mar 29, 2008
Mar 28, 2008
Little-Known CoD4 Achievements
//Note//
Found this article on GameSpy awile back and had to repost. Credit goes to Dave 'Fargo' Kosak.
//End Note//
This week, boost your gamer ranking with a few of these achievements that are so secret they may not even exist. Call of Duty 4 multiplayer is so addictive that it's amazing I'm even writing a column this week at all. There are so many possible rewards to get for every conceivable weapon and kill style that sometimes I'm scoring Achievements and I don't even know what they mean. Did you know that you could unlock a special sniper scope just by eating macaroni? There are a number of lesser-known Call of Duty 4 rewards and Achievements that I uncovered through extensive "research," but I'm willing to share. Score big with a few of these:
Found this article on GameSpy awile back and had to repost. Credit goes to Dave 'Fargo' Kosak.
//End Note//
This week, boost your gamer ranking with a few of these achievements that are so secret they may not even exist. Call of Duty 4 multiplayer is so addictive that it's amazing I'm even writing a column this week at all. There are so many possible rewards to get for every conceivable weapon and kill style that sometimes I'm scoring Achievements and I don't even know what they mean. Did you know that you could unlock a special sniper scope just by eating macaroni? There are a number of lesser-known Call of Duty 4 rewards and Achievements that I uncovered through extensive "research," but I'm willing to share. Score big with a few of these:
 | Jimmykicker: Complete the single-player campaign with nothing but crotch-shots. |
 | Post-Pubescent: Earn this Achievement by saying ten complete sentences over Xbox Live chat, none of which contain the word "gay." |
 | Blunt Instrument: Score ten consecutive rocket-launcher kills on targets standing less than four feet away. |
 | Base Jumper: Fall off the top of a building while prone and trying to snipe. |
 | The Cosby: Shoot someone in the face with a Bazooka. |
 | Newb with the Golden Gun 1: Awarded to anyone under the rank of Sergeant who grabs a Desert Eagle handgun off the body of a higher-ranked player and then runs around shooting and randomly yelling, "Check me out!" |
 | Newb with the Golden Gun 2: Same as above, except you also start quoting the movie "Snatch" in a bad British Accent: "Desert Eagle, point five oh." |
 | He's Over Here!: Throw smoke grenades on three friendly snipers in an Xbox Live match. |
 | Frequent Flier: You've played that airplane level, like, 30 times. Because. |
 | Backseat Duty: You watch a friend play and keep yelling "Use the flashbang. No, you want to reload. Go go!" This means you, Sluggo. I'm talking about you. |
 | Sucker Puncher: That guy standing still at the spawn point was clearly going to the bathroom or answering the phone when you walked right up and knifed him in the back of the head. |
 | 2 Legit: Awarded for sniping a guy through the wall so cleanly that he accuses you of cheating. |
 | Fargo Hates You: A special Achievement given to players whose only strategy seems to be to rush up to Fargo and die so that they drop a grenade at his feet and kill him. You know who you are. |
Mar 26, 2008
Red Ring of Death
At first it seemed like such a normal day. I was house sitting for my folks while they were out of town. I'd been somewhat productive over the course of the day and all I wanted was to relax and "rape some jews." That is, I wanted to play my fave FPS, COD4. So I crank up the incredibly overpriced xbox 360 and jump right in the action for a couple games. Then all of a sudden my screen freezes up and no buttons, including the power button will do anything. Rather odd indeed I thought. So I pulled the plug and took a piss. Got back, plugged it back in and jumped back in a game. Played for exactly half a game and my screen suddenly goes pure lime green and the box makes a sad little chirp sound. By this point I'm thinking, "oh shit, it just bit the dust and I don't have a warranty, there goes another large sum of money for this waste of my life." So I unplug it and try again, same deal, green screen. Unplug, remove all accessories and try a game again, green screen, still no red lights. Different game, same shit. So now I'm rather pist at the cheap Chinese manufacturing from our favorite bill gates empire. I unplug it and go searching for green screen errors online. 2 hours later and none the wiser (apparently I'm just special, nobody's ever had a green screen error before) I plug it all back in and try one last time... RROD. I never thought I'd be relieved to have this overpriced piece of shit go to hell in a hand basket but as it turns out I can get it replaced for free by Microsoft and the unit I get from them will have a warranty. RROD means red ring of death btw, indicating a defective heatsink which was recalled by microsoft about a year ago. So now I just have to send them my system and wait a few weeks for a free replacement. So if I don't die of bordom in the meantime I'll be all set.
Mar 25, 2008
Mar 24, 2008
Dec 4, 2007
Oct 30, 2007
Oct 16, 2007
New Job
Looking at the 8 draft blog post I have sitting here I've come to the conclusion that once I start to write something I really need to just post it rather I've perfected it or not. I've got tons of pictures and stuff but no traditional "blog" posts. So guess what?! No not that, why do people always guess the wrong thing when under pressure? I digress- I'm done building the playground! Yes indeed the biggest project on my list was completed yesterday, though without much reward aside from just knowing it's done... and that another large chunck of my car is paid for. Seriously though I booked 5x as many hours working on it as dad did and yet the kids come out all excited and thank him instead of me! Kinda hurt a bit after all the sweating blood I did on it.
Anyways I started a new job today as an apprentice plumber. The plumber who's been working on my parents new building found out I was looking for work and hired me a few minutes later! So over the weekend I got in the habit of sleeping until like 2pm so all of a sudden I have this new job that starts at 6am so last night I only slept like 4 hours because I wasn't tired. Our first job was finishing my folks building, took 3 hours. After we got done here we went on to spend over 11 hours working as fast as possible trying to meet other peoples deadlines. We did 4 other jobs today and took a half hour lunch- I ate a 1ft sub in like 3 minutes flat at about 1:30. This morning I got a crash course on running pressure pipe then spent about 3 hours working unsupervised before lunch. Then we installed a water heater and did some other small jobs. Started work at 6am and except for lunch I didn't gt a break until 7pm when I got home. A decent amount of psychical work with long hours but the pay is good and my boss is a nice guy. I learned so much today, it was incredible, I just hope I remember it all tomorrow morning.
And... omg... guess who just called me while I was writing this? MY BOSS. Apparently we're starting work even earlier then we planned tomorrow to meet an inspectors deadline... so after working 11 hours and only being home for 3 more I will be awake, fed and on the job in less than 7 hours. =S God this is killing my gaming hobby and my beauty sleep and I've only been employed for 1 day. Good thing I just stocked up on Rockstars, I slammed 2 of them this morning before work and I had the weirdest sugar high mixed with this incredible urge to curl up in a dark corner and pass out. But after awhile it just turned into utter exhaustion muddying my vision of a big fat check Friday.
One more subject though, *drumroll* GIRLS. Yes indeed, with money comes the possibility of having a girlfriend. See most gals aren't that excited about being with an unemployed gamer who lives with folks. Aside from that I just like to have some money to spend when I'm dating. I would actually enjoy spoiling a worthwhile girl if only I could find one though and therein lies the problem. It's hard enough to find a date yet alone a trustworthy gal. I mean where do you go to meet people when you meet girls when you work 12 hour days as a plumber? Not many females in the construction industry and even slimmer odds of finding an eligible object of my affection. Did I just refer to a girlfriend as an object? No dumb ass it's a figure of speech. Seriously though, I want the kind of girl who knows how do do something besides fast walk laps in the mall and txt people.
I wonder if I'm even ready to put myself out there again though, last time didn't work out so well. (moved 600 miles, almost ended up homeless...) Seriously it still hurts a little when I think about it and not just 'cause she turned out to be a lying whore either. I saw something in the paper yesterday that kinda startled me though, twas a personals ad that read, "24yo newly single blond seeks rebound relationship." And I realized that I don't want a rebound relationship- a feel good fix. I need to hurt when I have a breakup because that reminds me that there was something special. But alas a friend is trying to set me up with a blind date for this weekend so we'll see what happens. So many things to think about yet so little time, literally... I'm down to about 6 hours til I work again.
Anyways I started a new job today as an apprentice plumber. The plumber who's been working on my parents new building found out I was looking for work and hired me a few minutes later! So over the weekend I got in the habit of sleeping until like 2pm so all of a sudden I have this new job that starts at 6am so last night I only slept like 4 hours because I wasn't tired. Our first job was finishing my folks building, took 3 hours. After we got done here we went on to spend over 11 hours working as fast as possible trying to meet other peoples deadlines. We did 4 other jobs today and took a half hour lunch- I ate a 1ft sub in like 3 minutes flat at about 1:30. This morning I got a crash course on running pressure pipe then spent about 3 hours working unsupervised before lunch. Then we installed a water heater and did some other small jobs. Started work at 6am and except for lunch I didn't gt a break until 7pm when I got home. A decent amount of psychical work with long hours but the pay is good and my boss is a nice guy. I learned so much today, it was incredible, I just hope I remember it all tomorrow morning.
And... omg... guess who just called me while I was writing this? MY BOSS. Apparently we're starting work even earlier then we planned tomorrow to meet an inspectors deadline... so after working 11 hours and only being home for 3 more I will be awake, fed and on the job in less than 7 hours. =S God this is killing my gaming hobby and my beauty sleep and I've only been employed for 1 day. Good thing I just stocked up on Rockstars, I slammed 2 of them this morning before work and I had the weirdest sugar high mixed with this incredible urge to curl up in a dark corner and pass out. But after awhile it just turned into utter exhaustion muddying my vision of a big fat check Friday.
One more subject though, *drumroll* GIRLS. Yes indeed, with money comes the possibility of having a girlfriend. See most gals aren't that excited about being with an unemployed gamer who lives with folks. Aside from that I just like to have some money to spend when I'm dating. I would actually enjoy spoiling a worthwhile girl if only I could find one though and therein lies the problem. It's hard enough to find a date yet alone a trustworthy gal. I mean where do you go to meet people when you meet girls when you work 12 hour days as a plumber? Not many females in the construction industry and even slimmer odds of finding an eligible object of my affection. Did I just refer to a girlfriend as an object? No dumb ass it's a figure of speech. Seriously though, I want the kind of girl who knows how do do something besides fast walk laps in the mall and txt people.
I wonder if I'm even ready to put myself out there again though, last time didn't work out so well. (moved 600 miles, almost ended up homeless...) Seriously it still hurts a little when I think about it and not just 'cause she turned out to be a lying whore either. I saw something in the paper yesterday that kinda startled me though, twas a personals ad that read, "24yo newly single blond seeks rebound relationship." And I realized that I don't want a rebound relationship- a feel good fix. I need to hurt when I have a breakup because that reminds me that there was something special. But alas a friend is trying to set me up with a blind date for this weekend so we'll see what happens. So many things to think about yet so little time, literally... I'm down to about 6 hours til I work again.
Oct 10, 2007
Oct 5, 2007
Oct 4, 2007
Oct 3, 2007
Oct 2, 2007
Sep 27, 2007
From Montana
If you don't know anybody who owns a two wheel drive vehicle,
You might live in Montana.
If the County Fair is on your calendar,
You might live in Montana.
If your town has stop signs instead of street lights,
You might live in Montana.
If you chose your cell provider because it’s the only one that gets in service in your area,
You might live in Montana.
If everybody within a 3 mile radius is considered your neighbor,
You might live in Montana.
If every other radio station is country,
You might live in Montana.
If you can walk around your entire town and back again in under an hour,
You might live in Montana.
If people give you the head nod when driving,
You might live in Montana.
If you go to the bar and nobody checks your ID,
You might live in Montana.
If parking your car for the night involves an extension cord,
You might live in Montana
If you're proud that your state makes the national news primarily because it is the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live in Montana.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Montana.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Montana.
If it's not uncommon to have to slow down for a herd of cattle being driven along the road,
You might live in Montana.
If you have a tanline curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Montana.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Montana.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Montana.
If you know how to correctly pronounce Butte,
You might live in Montana.
If you measure distance in hours,
You might live in Montana.
If your family vehicle is a crew cab pickup,
You might live in Montana.
If you know several people who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Montana.
If you often switch from "heat" to "A/C"in the same day and back again,
You might live in Montana.
If you can drive 65 mph through a raging snow storm without flinching,
You might live in Montana.
If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Montana.
If you've installed security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Montana.
If the largest traffic jam in your town centers around a high school basketball game,
You might live in Montana.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them,
You might live in Montana.
If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at any given time,
You might live in Montana.
If there are more people at work on Christmas Eve Day than on Deer Season Opener,
You might live in Montana.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Montana.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Montana.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
You might live in Montana.
If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Montana.
If you consider Red Lodge exotic,
You might live in Montana.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your cottonwood,
You might live in Montana.
If finding your misplaced car keys involves looking in the ignition,
You might live in Montana.
If you find 20 degrees a bit, "chilly"
You might live in Montana.
If you actually understand these observations and repost them,
You must live in Montana
You might live in Montana.
If the County Fair is on your calendar,
You might live in Montana.
If your town has stop signs instead of street lights,
You might live in Montana.
If you chose your cell provider because it’s the only one that gets in service in your area,
You might live in Montana.
If everybody within a 3 mile radius is considered your neighbor,
You might live in Montana.
If every other radio station is country,
You might live in Montana.
If you can walk around your entire town and back again in under an hour,
You might live in Montana.
If people give you the head nod when driving,
You might live in Montana.
If you go to the bar and nobody checks your ID,
You might live in Montana.
If parking your car for the night involves an extension cord,
You might live in Montana
If you're proud that your state makes the national news primarily because it is the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live in Montana.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Montana.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Montana.
If it's not uncommon to have to slow down for a herd of cattle being driven along the road,
You might live in Montana.
If you have a tanline curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Montana.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Montana.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Montana.
If you know how to correctly pronounce Butte,
You might live in Montana.
If you measure distance in hours,
You might live in Montana.
If your family vehicle is a crew cab pickup,
You might live in Montana.
If you know several people who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Montana.
If you often switch from "heat" to "A/C"in the same day and back again,
You might live in Montana.
If you can drive 65 mph through a raging snow storm without flinching,
You might live in Montana.
If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Montana.
If you've installed security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Montana.
If the largest traffic jam in your town centers around a high school basketball game,
You might live in Montana.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them,
You might live in Montana.
If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at any given time,
You might live in Montana.
If there are more people at work on Christmas Eve Day than on Deer Season Opener,
You might live in Montana.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Montana.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Montana.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
You might live in Montana.
If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Montana.
If you consider Red Lodge exotic,
You might live in Montana.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your cottonwood,
You might live in Montana.
If finding your misplaced car keys involves looking in the ignition,
You might live in Montana.
If you find 20 degrees a bit, "chilly"
You might live in Montana.
If you actually understand these observations and repost them,
You must live in Montana
Sep 19, 2007
Sep 17, 2007
Sep 9, 2007
Lagfest
Nope it's not some kind of small town celebration of pumpkins type of fest. See when I'm playing
on my
I have to use
internet to connect to the other real life players around the world. So as you may have guessed by now, the fest in question is derived from the gamer term "lag." Essentially it means your internet connection isn't fast enough to keep up with the flow of data to and from the other gamers machines. So in the game you will see somebody on your screen and be shooting at them but can't hit them 'cause they're not actually there anymore- you're just lagging about a second behind. So as you can imagine this tends to cause great agrivation for the person who's lagging 'cause they can't get any kills. Not only this but your enemies tend to still be able to see exactly where you are and thus you die much easier. So the internet I'm currently using isn't very fast in the first place as far as gaming use but it's faster at certain times of the day- namely 2-7am. I'm guessing it's because it's DSL and when everybody in town is online the speed goes way down. To test this idea I took a number of line speed tests at different times of the day. The results show that my internet is roughly 4x faster at night.
So you see the moral of the story is if you have a passion for gaming you really ned to move out of your parent's motorhome, get a job and get
high speed cable internet. Not only does it not slow down at any time of the day but even if it did you're still be able to play just fine because it's so damn fast! Oh yeah and while we're talking about gaming lets don't forget that you also need to buy an
and preorder Halo 3 "The most anticipated game... ever." All before Sept 25th because thats when they turn it loose... people will die fighting for this game in real life.
on my
I have to use
internet to connect to the other real life players around the world. So as you may have guessed by now, the fest in question is derived from the gamer term "lag." Essentially it means your internet connection isn't fast enough to keep up with the flow of data to and from the other gamers machines. So in the game you will see somebody on your screen and be shooting at them but can't hit them 'cause they're not actually there anymore- you're just lagging about a second behind. So as you can imagine this tends to cause great agrivation for the person who's lagging 'cause they can't get any kills. Not only this but your enemies tend to still be able to see exactly where you are and thus you die much easier. So the internet I'm currently using isn't very fast in the first place as far as gaming use but it's faster at certain times of the day- namely 2-7am. I'm guessing it's because it's DSL and when everybody in town is online the speed goes way down. To test this idea I took a number of line speed tests at different times of the day. The results show that my internet is roughly 4x faster at night.
So you see the moral of the story is if you have a passion for gaming you really ned to move out of your parent's motorhome, get a job and get
high speed cable internet. Not only does it not slow down at any time of the day but even if it did you're still be able to play just fine because it's so damn fast! Oh yeah and while we're talking about gaming lets don't forget that you also need to buy an
and preorder Halo 3 "The most anticipated game... ever." All before Sept 25th because thats when they turn it loose... people will die fighting for this game in real life.
Sep 8, 2007
Sep 6, 2007
Sep 5, 2007
Sep 4, 2007
Sep 2, 2007
Aug 31, 2007
Aug 29, 2007
Nothing runs like a Deere!
